It starts with streamers and hand made banners on high school lockers– though rumor has it that this rite of passage has trickled down to middle school white chicks– and results in dress up and debauchery in an unending series of “annual” 21st birthdays.

Yes, white chicks love birthdays.*

Naturally, yesterday my gchat status message was “Happy Birthday to me!” … and it wasn’t actually my birthday. That’s the glory of April Fools’ Day–the one day a year that I have a quasi-legitimate excuse to make people THINK it’s my birthday– and there are obvious benefits that come with that.

Important birthday benefits for a white chick:

1. attention–a standard white chick motivation

2. presents (duh)

3. free stuff–do not be deceived; this is actually different from presents. Ranging from cake to libations to party hats, the more free stuff a white chick can accumulate, the happier her birthday will be.

4. And, perhaps the most important birthday benefit for white chicks everywhere… and also their national pasttime… THEME PARTIES!

Note: Nothing gets a white chick more excited than the prospect of a theme party. The more elaborate a theme, the better. Also, the more the food, decor, etc, are “on theme,” the happier a white chick will be. Heck, theme parties are like 87% of why white chicks join sororities.

In my recent history:

Good Theme Party (70’s)