Industry-Specific Elimination-Based Reality Shows
America’s Next Top Model. Hell’s Kitchen. Project Runway. Design Star. Shear Genius. Heck, anything on BRAVO. What do they all have in common? (Well, besides being almost the exact same show…) Why of course– white chicks LOVE them!
Runway seems to take the cake–the New York Times called it “the Prada of reality shows.” This might help explain why white chicks cannot get enough. It’s almost impossible to market DVD releases of reality shows, because people aren’t as invested when they already know who won, and yet just today I saw an ad for Project Runway Season 2 on DVD on amazon.com. And they’ve even won a Peabody! For the uninformed, this is a legitimate honor, NOT just for reality shows. This is some serious stuff. Shoot, I almost pulled a Paula Abdul and cried when Kayne from Season 3 was eliminated.
For awhile, I was convinced that Heidi Klum and I were cosmically connected. First, I worked on a commercial she was in with her husband Seal, which I would feel more compelled to brag about if it was scheduled to air outside of Germany. Then I saw her randomly outside Hollywood and Highland’s Victoria’s Secret less than a month later! But these moments between Heidi and I have actually not furthered my career as I had hoped. Maybe karma bit me in the ass because I accidentally almost fed Seal poison sushi. Also, does anyone else notice the irony in that?
So I might be a little bit of a creeper sometimes….
But I digress…
I’d like to take this moment to point out that in the reality tv world, we don’t feel the need to use full names. For example, The Amazing Race becomes merely The Race, while American’s Next Top Model becomes Model, or to some, ANTM. Idol brought this type of reality show into the limelight, and white chicks everywhere will be forever grateful, regardless of their feelings toward Kelly Clarkson.
Last year I had one roommate who barely came out of her room, except to watch Top Chef. So I had an idea on how to capitalize on millions of white chicks like ourselves across America– Bartender USA. Okay, I’ll confess–its not as bourgois-fabulous as, say, Runway or even something like Genius, but it still seemed like it could be sort of glamorous, in a Coyote Ugly sort of way. Except I couldn’t think of many challenges, so you probably won’t be seeing my name in lights anytime soon.
This is one white chick obsession that I truly have no explanation for. I don’t think it’s because we aspire to make a red-carpet dress from 80’s curtains. I don’t think it’s any particular admiration for the characters, because though we do have our favorites, we know some are snakes– remember when Jeffrey won Runway after CHEATING?? What happened to cheaters never win!? And though the captivating hosts draw us in, I don’t think they’re spawning this national addiction. Yes, the people are really talented within their industries– but even fashion or food is not enough to explain this pandemic phenomenon. But though I do not understand it, I will continue to be sucked in.
John Krasinski
Ahh, yes, John Krasinski. The universal crush of white chicks. He appeals to the masses (of young Caucasian women, of course) because he is just so multidimensional.
For the shallow among us, he’s got glossy good-looks (see exhibit A).
However, for those looking a little deeper, his goofball–and even awkward– charm, showcased in his role as Jim on The Office, gets us every time. In fact, I’m pretty sure I even used to be in a facebook group called “I wish Jim from The Office was my boyfriend.” Boo-yah?
But even those who have never seen The Office can be obsessed with John Krasinski. Where can such a white chick be found? Well, there was one in my apartment of 5 last year, and yet (redeemingly), she may have been the most enamored with JK of us all. His Ivy League side got to her– this is a girl who says sentences like “Sylvia Plath would roll over in her grave.” The minute she found out our beloved JK was going to be making a movie of David Foster Wallace’s Brief Interviews with Hideous Men, he became her plan B husband (after DFW himself, of course).
Bonus: Krasinski is said to have shot the opening of The Office, set in the real Scranton, Pennsylvania. Even more talents!
John, dear… will you marry us?
