Whenever I tell a white chick my job, her eyes fill with awe and she is totally jealous. All of a sudden, I’m considered awesome even though I make $400 a week and I answer phones. Why? Because I’ve connected a call for Lisa Kudrow and gotten a Diet Coke for Tara Reid. And perhaps even more importantly, I get to Fed Ex packages to the Supernanny, Jo Frost. It kind of reminds me of The Office episode Gay Witch Hunt– where Kelly tells Oscar he’s so cool for being gay, and he responds with “yes, I’m pretty cool. I’m an accountant at a failing mid-level paper company in Scranton.” But let me tell you, white chicks think I’m awesome.

Pretty Much My Life

A year ago, I was sitting in my apartment with my roommates– all seniors in college– and we realized we all had NO IDEA what we were going to do with our lives, or even with the next year of our lives. The most solid plan among the 5 of us was to move to New York, not get a day job, and go on acting auditions. This was the MOST solid plan, kids.

However, for the remaining four, our ambition and zeal, combined with our complete lack of direction, has since exposed us to some pretty cool jobs. One roommate applied to drive the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile. Now, hold on– before you judge her, this is actually a very cool job. She learned of it through the book that was permanently on our coffee table– The Princeton Review’s 101 Best Internships. Okay, so actually, driving the wienermobile is not even a job– it’s an internship. But it pays better than the job I have now, and you get to drive a hot dog car all across America. One guy met Z Z Top because they saw him in the wienermobile and wanted to buy him lunch! Unfortunately, who knew that this position is about as competitive as a spot in Harvard? … except maybe more so because there are fewer spots.

However, this particular roommate has already held two of the coolest jobs of anyone I know since graduation. She’s worked at the Google facility in Mountain View– okay, the job itself actually wasn’t that cool, but consider the perks: heated toilet seats, onsite massages, and a campus full of young, attractive, bright idealists. It’s like college but more pampered. Her current job is in events planning at Wired Magazine– and already she’s gone to New Orleans and a Pre-Oscar’s celebrity SWAG party. (Swag being free products and gifts.) Parents, fret not, that communications degree IS very versatile.

Except then you have the counter example of me, stuck working in the “reception arts.” Although I will tell you that I have had many hilarious/interesting encounters in this position, so it is a cool job in the crappiest form. It also gives me a lot of mileage in stand-up comedy, so that’s another plus.

Behind these nervous smiles, everyone is thinking “Crap! Now what??”

Some jobs I came across that were out of my experience level or my field… of dreams: cruise line entertainment coordinator, orbitz.com rep, Quicksilver accounts rep, junior footwear designer, snowboard engineer designer, and NFL events coordinator.

Old school cool jobs would have included seal trainer or astronaut, but these types of jobs no longer fit white chick criteria of cool. To be considered a cool job, there are three requirements: money, artistic integrity, and sociability. Now I realize at times, the first two pre-reqs can be inversely proportional. However, if a good ratio is achieved, you are looking at one cool job. Also, another important component is lifestyle of the job. The less of a monotonous routine, the cooler the job. So if it looks different day to day, it’s a cool job. A perfect example of a cool job is working for an art gallery–something like what Charlotte did on Sex in the City.

Now that the 5 roommates are in the so-called “real world,” we are all employed–save possibly for the actress– and yet, we still search job boards, monster.com, and even craigslist– you might be surprised at the array of cool jobs to be found there– for more great jobs.

White chicks even support Bethenny on The Real Housewives of New York City– probably because her incredibly cool job gives her major bonus points. She’s a natural foods chef — she plays in the kitchen, writes for magazines–the most fun type of publication to write for, and even is a personal chef to what I can only imagine are some fascinating clients. She’s got her own company, gets to schedule her own hours, and exercises culinary creativity. Seriously, what a cool job!

What can I say? White chicks love cool jobs. Maybe that solves the mystery of why we love industry-specific elimination-based reality shows. It lets us revel in our appreciation for high-end cool jobs.